Everyone’s favourite indie mouthpiece, Johnny Borrell, has announced a new album is to come out soon. Just who was actually calling for the ‘Johnny Borrell & Zazou LP’ is unknown, but we called Borrell’s mum and she denies any involvement.
To celebrate the release of the album, and the impending impact it will have on HMV bargain bins, he has announced a “hypnagogic mandala party” at The Waiting Room in Stoke Newington, London on April 13. The entrance fee is set as “One mandala on paper, printed, traced, drawn or otherwise, its one and the same to us. No exceptions for press/guestlist/execs/superstars etc. No mandala no entry. Individuate yourself.” Yes, Borrell is aiming to get the public to individuate themselves by getting them to all draw or print the same image.
So with the impending rush of people rushing to find out news on the most hotly anticipated album of 2015, we decided to forget about covering that and talk about things we (in an alternate universe) should expect from the former Razorlight frontman and STI breeding ground.
1) Welcome To The Mandela Party
So it turns out Mr Borrell was misquoted, the now bearded Razorlight (oh the irony!) frontman hasn’t stolen Kula Shaker‘s vibe and gone all Indian, he’s actually recording a concept album about the life and times of Nelson Mandela. The album focuses on the former African president’s encounters with different celebs, with David Beckham, Tony Blair, Bono and Mohammed Ali all featuring in imaginary accounts of their meetings with the anti-apartheid hero. The album concludes with a monologue from Borrell about a dream he had about meeting Mandela on a boat ride in Venice…
2) The Silent Album
Following an “expensive” promotional campaign, the album is ready to hit a wide and receptive audience. Unfortunately for him, following a “mix up” at the pressing plant, the CD’s arrived in stores blank. No-one actually notices and Borrell is forced to declare the accident an artistic statement in order to keep the press interested in him.
3) The Band Split Prior To Release
It’s inevitable, the new and more humble Borrell act doesn’t last very long as the gaffer is caught in bed with the drummer’s wife. A punch up ensues and following a melee that involves smashed tambourines and a snapped banjo string, Borrell turns up on Pete Doherty’s doorstep requesting shelter… which unfortunately sparks him into a relapse, causing yet another break up for The Libertines.
4) Only You (Will Ever Listen To This Album)
Zazou, as it happens, turns out to be a tribute band to the works of 80’s duo Yazoo. Borrell takes on both the roles of Vince Clark and Alison Moyet. Performing hits like ‘Only You‘, ‘Don’t Go’ and ‘Nobody’s Diary’, Borrell takes home the big bucks performing on a tour of Haven resorts around the country. Tours playing the hits of Shabba Ranks and Elvis soon follow…
5) A Decent Album Meets A Moderate Reception
Ha! Who are we kidding!
