One Direction may be one of the biggest acts on the planet at the moment but what could they possibly do now to get even bigger? I mean get to like ridiculous levels where they may as well rule the world? I think I have the answer..
They should all have surgery to become owls! Get your eagle (owl) eyes on this….
OWL FACT 1: Some species of owls have special flight features for silent flight!
Now before you go, ‘Hold on Chris, your talking shit!’ hear me out! What happens anywhere One Direction go? They get mobbed by screaming kids (and middle aged women who should know better). Think about it! If they could glide out of places in silence they could avoid this, save time and use the time more wisely for developing marketing strategies, and playing more shows. More money rolls in, their empire grows, they become more powerful. You can’t argue that! Time is money and owl wings are the key!
OWL FACT 2: Owls have played a big part in folklore and legend for many years!
Owls have appeared in Egyptian hieroglyphics and even cave paintings in france for christs sake! Who doesn’t know what an owl is? BUT, I bet there are a few people who still don’t know who One Direction are. It’s true! If they could be as legendary as the mighty owl they will be etched into peoples minds for eternity! In 5000 years time they will see Harrys face scrawled on the back of an antique school table and be like ‘HOLY SHIT!’. Be a legend, be an owl!
OWL FACT 3: Owls are natural predators!
Let’s face it, One Direction as they stand get it all done for them. I doubt they make many decisions themselves. If they had the relentless predatory attitude of the owl though then their combined forces could be unstoppable. I mean there are 5 of them. If they were going for world domination at full steam along with their management, label, press team, booking agent etc etc think of what would get done. F**k me! It scares me just to think about it! That predator instinct is vital in taking down the competition and reigning supreme
OWL FACT 4: Owls are Nocturnal
Now this will really help. Anyone who works in the music industry knows the night is the most important part. That’s when all the gigs are, when you party and where the best drunken plans are devised! If they could sleep through the days, in the evening they would be so refreshed their concerts would be more energetic, the crowd would love it and buy more merch (more money), they would party all night meaning meeting more people, more people equals more opportunities. If they go bed at 10pm then how they ever gonna meet that guy who’s at the Playboy party down the road who just bought a rocket to the moon and wants to put on a gig? Point proven!
OWL FACT 5: A group of owls is known as a Parliament
Yes, thats a fact! If One Direction were Parliament they could control the entire country, make laws, use our tax money to buy shit and generally cause havoc. Think of the power!!!! Liam could be like ‘F**k you all! I’m gonna buy a zoo and fill it only with Zebra. Tons of f**king Zebra! Thousands of the f**kers! And, you guys are paying for it cus I’m raising taxes to pay for it. Your not even allowed in. You can’t even look at a Zebra. Actually you can’t even say it’s name! It’s now banned! BAN THE ZEBRA’. That’s the kind of insane shit that could happen.
To sum up, thank god One Direction are not owls! Let’s all be thankful each day they are just a boy band that got lucky from X Factor . Praise the lord!
