If there is one thing we have learnt at Hit The Floor this past few days, it is KISS fans are serious (and a bit crazy). This particular writer was dragged over hot coals for making some (I admit silly) mistakes. So much so that over the last 24 hours alone the the review (a 5 star review at that) has been viewed over 11,000 times with even KISS themselves retweeting the review.
KISS are also known as the Kings when it comes to strange merchandise, it seems the band are happy to put their face on anything and the thing is, their fans will buy it! So here I shall do a run down of the, in no particular order, 10 ‘Kraziest’ pieces of KISS merchandise.
10. KISS CHEQUES
Really want to go shopping in style? Then what better way to pay for your goods than with these KISS Cheques never be caught short of cash again, and shop like a DEMON!
Sticking with the money train for a minute, how about………
9. KISS Money Clip
Nothing says that you’re a classy, flashy spender like this gold money clip with the KISS logo proudly emblazoned on the side! You can also get credit cards with pictures of the logo, all four members or just an individual member.
8. KISS Knives
So you have all the records, you have the t-shirt, the hat, and the key fob too. What else could you possibly need? Here is one for the true rednecks out there! It’s a Kiss knife! That’s right your very own blade. More than one of these is available. There is the ‘Alive 35’ Knife to celebrate the bands 35th birthday. Or maybe the KISS knife and plectrum set. Or my personal favourite…. the KISS knife with built in ‘moneyclip’. I really think they missed the boat here and should of called it the ‘Kut & Kash Knife’ or even a KISS Army Knife! Ha, brilliant.
7. Merry KISSmas
KISS have got the Christmas market covered! I’m not lying when I say that I want ALL this stuff! Christmas tree lights, baubles, Christmas cards, musical ornaments and even stockings. Believe me when I say that the stockings are KILLER!!! Made to look like the bands own onstage boots! Incredible!
6. KISS iDOG
So lets say you’re a big time fan of both Kiss and dogs but you aren’t allowed pets in your house, or maybe you are but it’d be cruel to put face-paint on your pooch, the ‘Star-Dog’. Well worry no more for here is the KISS iDOG. It’s a robot dog, in full facepaint of your favourite member that reacts to the music!!! Play a hard rocking song and the dog will move about, flapping it’s ears and wagging it’s tail. Want to listen to something more somber (what sort of KISS fan are you?) and it relaxes and sways.
I wonder if Peter Criss has a Kiss iKat?
5. KISS SCRATCHCARDS
Yep the band have released a few sets of their very own lottery scratchcards. Pull out your KISS coins (yes you can get those too) and scratch away big bucks!
4. KISS Earplugs
So you’re a fan of the “Hottest band on the planet” but don’t want your hearing blown out by the intense rock flowing from the speakers? Worry no more as we bring you the KISS earplugs. Just make sure those around you don’t see you wearing these, you should be ashamed of yourself for even trying to block one decibel out!
3. KISS Lipbalm
If one band knows about lips it’s KISS, Gene Simmons has kissed (and done much more) to literally thousands of women all over the world. Here we have the KISS lipbalm. In black diamond mint flavour, it will give you a pout even Paul Stanley would be jealous of.
2. KISS KONDOMS
That’s right! The band promoting safe sex here with KISS Kondoms. Unroll these not so little fellas and you will see a pic of Gene Simmons with his legendary tongue outstretched. If that doesn’t scare the lady away then you can make the beast with two backs in comfort, knowing no disease or little Demons are getting out.
1. KISS Kasket/KISS Urn
Simply put, this is the greatest peiece of merchandise ever created by anybody ever in any market!!! So you’ve spent your life as a diehard member of the KISS Army then why not stay that way in death. Spend eternity in your very own KISS KASKET. Just think in thousands of years time, archaeologists dig you up and find you in this! RAD!
Don’t want to be buried? No problem. There is also a KISS Kremation Kasket which burns well and for your ashes you can then be put in a KISS Urn and mounted on the Urn holder with built in drawer you can have some of your KISS coins placed.
For those who can’t afford such leisures at the time of their death do not fear. The band have also taken a tip from military burials and also sell the KISS Army Flag that is simply draped over the coffin.
So there you have it. My personal top 10 items of KISS merch. There are literally thousands of other things you can buy baring the faces of your favourite band so just have a search and have your mind blown!