Good tidings fellow readers.
First of all, I would like to open up this article with a very poignant message which is indirectly related to the subject matter…
“People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people.” – V For Vendetta.
A very liberating and none the more truer quote by all means. But this is not a political article.
One Direction are now arguably the biggest band on the planet right now, hell they have even greater popularity than The Beatles. It could be argued that they have enough money earned to buy the world twice over in an exaggerated manner of speaking. Hell, they have enough power over the masses to even run for government! So picture this…
Prime Minister Harry Styles, Chancellor Niall Horan, Senator Zayne Malik, Lord Liam Payne, and Sir Louis Tomlinson. One Direction are the government and they have a whole legion of people in their good stead. Their following is so damn rabid to the point of fanatical, they are not afraid of their leaders, however, the leaders themselves should be very fucking afraid of their people. For some of them are so extremist in their attitudes, that One Direction themselves are a target of their own success and leadership. Quite simply put… One Direction should be very fucking afraid of their fans.
So as you have already gathered, this article is about a vast portion of One Direction’s fanbase, otherwise knows as ‘Directioners‘. It is also about the extreme lengths that some crazed fans go to in order to make themselves heard, as well as highlighting some of the dangers of such extremism within fandom. Not just One Direction, but also in general too.
Firstly, I would like to point out that this is not a pop at all of their fans, as I do believe some of you are actually fond appreciators of the pop music realm. Even if chart music is your only musical outlet, that is fine! If you enjoy it then that is totally cool and good on you for discovering new music; even if it is on a mainstream level.
I think some of 1D’s tunes are actually alright, although I abysmally dismay at the thought of them covering Blondie’s ‘One Way Or Another’. That still makes me wretch like a heroin addict going cold turkey.
What brought this subject to my attention was a newspost that I was to publish for said magazine a couple of weeks ago, regarding a lady in her 40’s who is an acclaimed ‘megafan’ of One Direction. She ended up loving them so much, that she got over 20 tattoos of the band on her body (which you can read the article here). I am not necessarily saying that you are not allowed to get this or that, she is old enough to understand that she does want it, but if it makes her happy, why not!
But what alarmed me was the fact that she had tattoos of what the lads have got tattooed on them! Pardon me for saying so, but is that not slightly mental? I mentioned this before in the newspost I published, but I could not help but think of that Alan Partridge episode where he goes to some fan’s house in the middle of nowhere, and then he realises that he is an absolute mentalist.
But like I said in my article previous, I am sure she is absolutely a wonderful person. More than likely somewhat more friendlier than the darker of One Direction’s fanbase. In fact I must rhetorically ask to the darker half “seriously what the fuck is wrong with all of you?”, but I will get to that point shortly.
Tattoos of bands/artists are one thing but there is not really much harm in that, other than to the person getting it done. I mean here is a classic example… do you remember when Cheryl Cole got that tattoo on the side of her hand?
Oh look, all of a sudden, you got all these impressionable teens wanting that exact tattoo as well. In fact, more worryingly was the fact there was all these ladies were either going through a midlife crisis, or through failure of trying to find their own independent identity, whilst festering at some dingy nightclub perhaps in the dingiest part of Croydon, or Scarborough (I really do not like Scarborough, I feel sorry for anyone living there, apart from the animals at the Sealife Centre), decide to emulate the striving beauty of Cheryl Cole. I mean of course we can all have role models but when you get the same tattoo as a celebrity, not just one person… but thousands of ladies….?! NO.
These days we seem to be involved within a society that is obsessed by mainstream celebrity culture, and reality television. This makes me sad to an extent, purely because of the negative outcomes that could be brought upon these celebrities. The viewer will think that they are beginning to be part of a said celebrities life, which is most definitely not the case at all. Which brings us back to One Direction’s majority percentage of avid fans. A feared legion of followers whom strike the fear in to the hearts of many a steel hearted keyboard warrior; the dreaded yet notorious… ‘Directioners’.
The way I am going on, you would think they are a certified gang, right? Like the Crips & Bloods, the MS-13, KGB, or even part of the riotous crowd during a football match between Millwall vs West Ham F.C.. In fact, a portion of their fans actually have more in common with the Monster Raving Loony Party. Just without the fun and comedy.
Let me explain one such story to you all that really disturbed me a few weeks ago.
What inevitably turned out to be a hoax, there was actually a ‘fan’ that ended up being identified as a troll, but started posting on Twitter that if she does not get acknowledged, she will kill her pet dog. A bit crazy and dramatic, but luckily turned out just to be a cruel prank. But this was one example of extreme fandom, to show to what lengths One Direction fans will go to meeting their idols. This was also (surprisingly) well illustrated in the Channel 4 documentary ‘Crazy For One Direction’, which again the dreaded hardcore collective of ‘Directioners’ decided to go ahead and attack Channel 4; with some claiming to go as far as wanting to kill themselves! Whether that is exaggerated or not, I do not fucking care. If you are that obsessive about a band or artist you need some serious psychiatric evaluation in your life.
Now my other reason for bringing this topic to light is that not long ago, Twitter celebrity and good friend of mine, Robin Mitchell, received an arsenal of abuse from some ‘Directioners’ to the point that one crazy fan sent him an image of their hardline extremism, buy showing him a picture of their cut wrists and arms. I didn’t really know whether to be amused or shocked. All I know is that he was pretty mindfucked by the whole matter, and that he was not sure how he felt. Until now!
I asked him if he would contribute to this article, so without further ado, here is his two cents on the matter.
A wise Iranian man once said, “Fuck the One Direction, they eat dead dog shit out of the Joan Rivers ass.”
Although The Iron Sheik makes a strong point, I don’t have a problem with One Direction. I would suggest that most males who criticise the group or label them ‘gaylords’, are on the whole, jealous of the amount of success they’ve had in proportion to the amount of effort they’ve put in for it. And who wouldn’t be?!
Imagine at the age of 17 you are given the opportunity to tour the world, make millions of pounds, do a bit of singing, and then take Taylor Swift out for a fish supper after. Not a bad job for an average looking lad who predominantly attained C’s in his GCSE’s. Alas here we are, witnessing these cretinous little shits have fortune and fame handed to them by Mr. S. Atan (Simon Cowell), while we slave away 40 hours a week for a sum of money Harry Styles would consider as his weekly hairspray budget. Life is unfair and this jealousy breeds the hate some people have for them.
There is a far more perplexing and darker side to the One Direction phenomenon however. The other end of the spectrum concerns the ones who love them, follow their every move, and threaten to murder Caroline Flack in her sleep. They go by the name ‘Directioners’, and they are serious as fuck.
For instance, when a band member is found to have a girlfriend, they stop what they’re doing, jump on Twitter and kindly let her know she is an ugly cow, because those boys belong to them, and them alone. One band member who had this happen to him recently tweeted a very sheepish “Erm, can you not do that please”, sort of message. His fiery rage at this injustice happening to a loved one of his was clearly being quelled by the One Direction P.R machine in his ear, which wants to keep these cash-cow nutjobs spending their parents money on official 1D flags, phone cases, and Niall Horan endorsed potato peelers. I’m just not sure why you want to upset somebody you admire. But they do that and in the name of undying love no doubt.
Just to draw from personal experience, a recent Twitter trend, ‘#BanOneDirectionFansFromTwitter’ surfaced online and as it was a slow afternoon at work, I thought I would join in on this most noble of causes. After a few tweets from ‘Directioners’ telling me that they could ‘shut my Twitter machine down because they fucking run twitter’ (I was completely unaware of this fact before hand), one girl took the liberty of sending me a riposte which featured a picture of her arm which she had cut with a razor blade. Game, set and match to the Directioner. What can you say to that? I can’t even say I was shocked. Fucking amazed? Yes. But not shocked.
Their dedication to the cause knows no bounds. On closer inspection of the users profile who sent me that, she was conversing with another Directioner about her self-harming where she heavily blamed the harsh realisation that she supports, follows and gives everything to these five boys who are not even remotely aware of her existence.
They call themselves a fandom and are united in the belief that One Direction are…well…really good. That’s about it really. They just think they’re really good. Girls and grown-ass women alike getting One Direction tattoos, threatening poor old Gabriel Abonglahor with a death normally reserved for enemeies of Islamic militants (after he sythed down Louis Tomilson in a football testimonial match recently), cutting their arms and (allegedly) killing their dogs just for a brief flicker of attention from the band is fucking madness, is it not?
Harry Styles will not negotiate with extremists, and it’s about time one of them flopped out some shock and awe in retaliation.
Robin Mitchell – 02/10/13
So there is the harrowing witness account of such madness. Seriously… it goes from one thing to another.
But allow me to indulge in such a retrospective perspective (hip-hop lyricists, take note of this dope rhyme). Back when I was growing up you had bands like Take That, Spice Girls, Boyzone, East 17, N*Sync, Backstreet Boys, and New Kids On The Block. They all had unrivalled amounts of success within the music industry and following their catchy as hell tunes, choreographed dancing, and debauched lifestyles was their rabid fanbases. Of course it is fair to say that most of their fans were hysterical beyond belief just like it was back in the day with The Beatles and The Rolling Stones. It is something exciting for the youth (and elders) of the current generation, but even then, they were nowhere near as rabid as they are today.
One of the first things I noticed about any fans getting a bit crazy was the heartbreaking death of 23 year old Selena Quintanilla in 1995, when she was shot in a motel by the president of her official fan club, which you can read about here.
Next up in my awareness was the devastating death of ‘Dimebag’ Darrell from Pantera / Damageplan, in 2004. To which he was approached by a crazed fan onstage and was shot pint blank in the face.
This is the more serious side of the observation. These are two instances that shocked me growing up, and made me question the relevance of certain fanbases, and just how hardcore their actions can excel to.
I am not necessarily saying that ‘Directioners’ are capable of such things, but I really would not put it past them. Why do you think the band is scoured by tons of security? It is for their protection? Because with some fans who are so rabid to the point that they WILL get out of control, they have no choice to be backed up by the heaviest of the heavy.
To all you crazy motherfuckers out there who have no concept of privacy, personal space, and who are not aware of just how bloody freaky your actions are, listen up.
THE PEOPLE THAT ARE IN ONE DIRECTION, OR ANY BAND TO THAT, ARE JUST PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND I.
Seriously, remember that for fuck sake. People of all ages, you NEED to remember that. Hell, I have had my “heart skipped a beat” moments like when I have worked with The Prodigy and Wu Tang Clan, but I keep composed because of not wanting to alarm them. Just make them feel comfortable in a civilised and decent atmosphere and with some constructive conversation. Whilst they enjoy their privacy like you and I, they also want to be treated like HUMAN BEINGS, not gods. They appreciate just being yourself and not some crazy ass mentalist like you saw in the Alan Partridge clip.
Directioners, you keep that in mind. We can respect that you provide a dedicated hardcore fanbase to substantiate One Direction’s bank account, and if you enjoy it… cool. But ,when you get so out of control to the point that you look like a bunch of possessive and obsessive crazies, you all of a sudden pigeonhole yourselves in to being a product of your own sheltered celebrity-fascinated lifestyles, and therefore being the part of society that has just as much appeal as what a bunch flowers does to a person with hay fever, or chocolate to a diabetic.
One day, you may wake up and realise how much you scare these people and let that same attitude affect your relationships with people, work, and society in general. If of course you wish to ignore this, then I can safely assume that in decades to come, I fear for mine and my future children’s safety in being subject to such maniacal cretins like yourself.
So, I would to end this by bidding you good tidings. If you have been affected by any of the subject matter at hand, myself and Robin really do not care. It is the truth. If you would like to start a manhunt for us, please print of the picture below from when we were kids, visiting Dreamland Fun Park. You can use that as the ‘Wanted’ poster like we are cowboys. We are laughing in the picture because of how much fun we had that day, and we laugh at you now because you just do not realise how much you portray yourselves as a bunch of idiots.
