I’m Mikey ‘Shiraz’ Baird. The Shiraz part is because I am vocalist in the band Mr Shiraz (you should check us out *plugplugplug). As well as being in Mr Shiraz I am also a band promoter, freelance writer and a bit too impulsive for my own good. You see, I don’t want you to think i’m a bad person, i’m truly not. I’m just excitable that’s all. Due to this fact I have done some silly things in my time, some I look back at and laugh, some I am highly embarrassed about. Last year the guilt got to me a little and so I decided to ‘confess my sins’, clear my conscience at it were. I saw it as a way to admit my wrongs to my family and friends and try give them a little insight as to what goes on in my mind. Somehow it became quite popular and so last year I brought it out as a little book.
When i began writing for this wonderful site, editor Chris thought it may be a good idea to post them up on here, serialise it as it were. I thought about it and came to the conclusion ‘what the hell!’ My mother and those close to me no longer trust me so whats a few more going to hurt. I warn you they start quite innocent but only get worse.
While growing up, every so often our parents would treat us on a friday night by taking me and my brothers to the Showcase Cinema! This was always exciting. It was a multiplex, it had so many choices. They would choose one film and we would go see something else, like the bigger boys did. Home Alone 2 was our choice. I sat there drinking my big cup of Tango watching Macauley Culkin at his very finest on the big screen (he was nothing short of awesome in these films, Daniel Day Lewis good). Suddenly a horrific feeling hit me in the bladder. I needed to pee. I needed to pee Bad.
The thing is, I didn’t want to miss any of the antics unfolding in the film so I came up with a cunning plan. I’m not proud of this but the film was THAT good. I finished my drink and pissed my pants, I then pretended to drop my drink onto my crotch. “oh no, i’ve spilt my drink on my pants, I don’t know why its warm’. Clever I thought and watched the rest of the movie. I kind of knew walking out the cinema in stinky, sodden tracksuit bottoms, looking like that tramp you see outside Tesco, that my mum didn’t believe my story. The truth of the story is that it wasn’t tango all over me. It was piss. Saw the whole film though! One – Nil to Mikey!
